There is an unfortunate reality in the world. We all experience this situation, it’s part of living in any society, and it’s caused by the very definition of what a society is supposed to do.
One summer evening our dispatch received a call of a domestic disturbance near the edge of town. We knew the family well, and knew what was likely going on. Because we knew them well, and the situation, we took the call very seriously and all three of the officers on shift responded lights and sirens. We knew the people, we didn’t know how far they would take the situation if we didn’t get there quickly.
We arrived to a chaotic scene where a father and adult son had put hands on each other and several other family members we involved or nearby, taking sides in the altercation, and everyone wanting to be heard. After several intense minutes we were able to get everyone to lower their voices and create some distance, something that was possible by the fact that it was a warm evening and there was still a while before sunset.
I ended up talking with a group of family members on the porch while the other officers spoke with the father and son in the driveway and across the street. The family confirmed what we knew, the son had a drug issue. The problem today started when he was accused of taking money from his grandmother, and his father confronted him. Tempers, as was known to happen with this family, flared quickly.
After a few more minutes, the officers told the father and son to step away so they could confer. The father came over to where I was standing with the other family members and continued to vent. He described how the situation started and escalated, what his son had said to him and how he had stolen money from his grandmother for drug money. The other family members chimed in their agreement that the problem was the son lying, stealing and being disrespectful. The father also described how he put his hands on his son, which I knew was going to land him in trouble.
The other officers approached us as the father was still venting. He turned to the approaching officer and said, “One of us is going with you, either him or me.”
The officer replied, “You.”
The father said, “Okay, let’s go.” He started walking to the cruiser in compliance.
The family members I had been talking with got wound up immediately. “That’s not right!” “The son started it!” “The son is stealing and doing drugs!”
Here comes that dilemma I mentioned before. There can be a difference between right and legal.
To live in an ordered society is to have rules, laws, policies, and other expectations of what to do and what not to do. Laws are what they are. Most laws, regulations and policies are written to not take circumstances into account, they are just do this or that. Right, on the other hand, requires context, critical thinking and a system of values. There are many ways that right and legal can be different. Very different.
We can face the same dilemma in business and in our personal lives. There are great stories of companies that went above and beyond, or in flat out contradiction of their policies to do the “right” thing in a situation. We share these stories as heartwarmers, and maybe for marketing. We each also have examples where someone did the “legal” thing and not the “right” thing.
These situations aren’t always bad. Have you ever seen a small child told not to do something, and then do it in such away that you start laughing? The first time a child accidentally uses a curse word is often hilarious, at least after the fact.
As leaders we have an obligation to do both what is right and what is legal to the greatest extend that we can. Sometimes we have to chose between them, or rank them in order of process. To do so requires that we are firmly rooted in our values and have a consistent frame to process these challenges. Knowing this reality and establishing the frame ahead of time can help you and your team or company navigate issues with greater success and consistency. Part of that frame may be your way of being, your conscious intention to treat others as people, not objects, even in a tough situation.
Sometimes, you have to start with what’s in front of you. In the situation above, we addressed the issue that we had evidence of using the legal tool we had at the moment and arrested the father. We then worked with the family, including the father, to address the larger concerns about his son and try to help the son, and the family, get back on the right path.
What is right is also often a matter of perspective. Right for whom, by what standard and through whose action, the questions go on. Legal is a great starting place for figuring out is something is right. Then identifying your corporate values, understanding your personal biases and discussing concerns and scenarios with other people are all crucial to make the best possible decision in ambiguous situations, or where clear contradictions exist.
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